Grammar Police Thwarted

Outlaw:  He could have went to work today.
Police:  Haven't you ever heard of past participles?
Outlaw:  Oh, yeah, I seen 'em.
Police:  Now I know why they're called past participles.  They've gone.

At Least it's not Russ's

You may have heard of Gus's World Famous Fried Chicken.  If it were a mom-and-pop outfit with only one location, this blog entry would not be interesting.  Fortunately it's a chain; so there are many outlets for Gus's World Famous Fried Chicken.  In other words, there are plenty of Gus'ses--that's right, three syllables, no less--oops, no fewer!  At least it's not Russ's.  Considering all the Russ'ses would remind me of the horror movie, Sssssss, a snake-filled production starring Strother ("Men, what we have here is failure to communicate.") Martin.  But I digress.  It turns out there's a bit more--and less--to Gus's.  I checked a phone directory for the correct full name of the company.  There are several locations in our area.  But gus--I mean--guess what?  One was listed as Gus . . .  and another as Guss's . . ..  That latter one I phoned to be sure it was the same outfit.  Yep, it is.  Either the employee or the phone folks must have misspelled Gus's.  I didn't bother to call the one listed as Gus . . ., since I figured a similar kind of snafu existed.  Anyway, if they can't get Gus's right, I doubt they're curious about all the Gus'ses, right?

By the way, many spell my nickname Les as "Less."  In fact, I use that idea in another blog, lesshumor.blogspot.com.

Rule Number Eight

Friends and neighbors, put "i" before "e" except after "c," unless the word is either foreign or weird--per Keith and Marcie Lieber.

Go Ahead

I work in a casino.  We constantly deal with money, of course.  On larger sums, we need to seek approval from our supervisors.  One of their common responses is, "Go ahead."

Now those two words, "go ahead," I have found to be fascinating in everyday speech.  I first noticed their import when I was telemarketing and I'd hear one of the managers advise a customer on the phone, "Why don't you go ahead and send the payment so we can expedite your shipment."  Doesn't that sound a bit softer or kinder than, "Why don't you send the payment . . . ."  It seems that whenever there is a bit of negativity or burden involved with a process, "go ahead" creates a somewhat positive feeling and softens the blow.  "Go ahead and tell the passengers that we're running into turbulent weather" probably sounds better to the airline staff than "Tell the passengers that we're running into turbulent weather."

Now, test for yourself.  Note how many times in, say, a week you hear "go ahead."  Oops--I mean, go ahead and note . . . .

Nor: More or Less

I've discussed the misuses of the word "nor."  I stress that the only correct use of "nor" is with "neither."  Well, guess what?  I'm not sure even that use is ideal.  Why?  Well, "neither" means "not either."  Let's substitute.  Take the sentence, "He is neither my brother nor my cousin."  Change it to, "He is not either my brother nor my cousin."  Oops--we've created a double (or 1 1/2) negative with both "not" and "nor."  How about, "He is not either my brother or my cousin."  Better.  Then why don't we say, "He is neither my brother or my cousin"?  Long-time custom, I guess.  I'd just as soon get rid of "nor" altogether.  Who's with me?

Another Redundancy

Recently I was observing a NASCAR public service announcement for disaster support. At the end, one driver urged everyone to "unite together." I guess that admonition sounds better than "unite separately."

Grammatical Trans Fat

Now we're "transitioning" from one thing to another. I suppose the idea is to economize from the phrase, "make a transition," to the word, "transition." Well, "transition" should not be used as a verb. What, I'm making life more difficult for you? Not! Indeed, use "transit" instead. "I transited away from using nouns as verbs." Once again I kept it even simpler!