Grammatical Trans Fat

Now we're "transitioning" from one thing to another. I suppose the idea is to economize from the phrase, "make a transition," to the word, "transition." Well, "transition" should not be used as a verb. What, I'm making life more difficult for you? Not! Indeed, use "transit" instead. "I transited away from using nouns as verbs." Once again I kept it even simpler!

Shorter Cut

Let's get it straight right from the start, I'm not a texter. I have noticed, though, the abbreviation "lol." I keep thinking it means "lots of love." I am repeatedly told that it stands for "laughing out loud." Ok, then I have an abbreviation for the above abbreviation. You see, one shouldn't say "out loud." "Aloud" is preferred. Hence we have "laughing aloud" with an abbreviation of "la." Now isn't that nice?!

Dangerously Bad Grammar

I've touched on some quick tips like these: If you can use "farther," don't use "further"; if you can use "whether," don't use "if"; and if you can use "and," don't use "or." An excellent example of the last of these can be seen on some gas pumps: "Turn off cell phones or other electrical devices to avoid possible explosion." A logical, though not common-sense, response might be, "I think I'll choose to turn off my laptop." Clearly the instruction is to turn off all electrical devices and should read, "Turn off cell phones and other electrical devices."

"'Til there Was You"

Remember this song by such as Anita Bryant and the Beatles? The title seems innocuous enough, but what's the subject of this clause? "You," right? The verb must be plural, ok? Then shouldn't the title be, "'Til there Were You"? I haven't been able to find anyone who disputes such logic, but the new title surely sounds weird. Oh, as an aside, "'til" is an abbreviation for "until." I don't care for the spelling "till," which seems to have little to do with "until."

"I Gotta Be Me"

The famous Sammy Davis, Jr., song title is safe from my wrath by way of poetic license. How, though, did we come to say such in everyday conversation? "I must . . ." became "I have to . . . ," which dissolved into "I've got to . . . ," which fell to "I got to . . . ," that slid into "I gotta . . . ." I'll be honest; I always believed that "I have to . . ." was fine. Literally, though, what does "I have to . . ." mean? Probably nothing really. Now "I've got . . ." to me is a convoluted processing of "I have . . . ," which is a simple, straightforward indication of possession. "I got . . ." means that I received or picked up, not that I currently possess. Ok, so what is the best grammatical version of "I Gotta Be Me"? A college English teacher once quickly responded to my question: say, "I Must Be Myself." Bad song title, excellent grammar!

Pronouns

It should be fairly elementary in most cases to get it right concerning "I," "me," "he," "him," "she," "her," "they," and "them." Weren't we always taught to use the one that would sound right if the partner word were left out? Example: "Heather and I are going to the grocery." "I am going to the grocery." Ok, that was too easy. How about, "Jay is going to the grocery with Heather and me"? The test: "Jay is going to the grocery with me."

Now let's look at some slightly more difficult situations. "I don't know who is going," but, "I don't know whom he is going with" (or "I don't know with whom he is going). Reduce such situations to the clauses that the pronouns are immediately parts of. ". . . Who is going," but, ". . . with whom he is going." If you're not much into "whom," substitute, say, "him" for "whom" and "he" for "who." Thus "I don't know whom she killed" can be analyzed, ". . . she killed him (not he)"; so it's not, "I don't know who she killed." Further, "Whom she killed is lying in the closet." Again "she killed he" is clearly wrong; likewise "who," strictly speaking, is incorrect. Try this one, "Ben is the one who (or whom?) I thought did it." "I thought" is unnecessary or parenthetical; leave it out and test: "Ben is the one who did it." That's right, "I thought he did it," certainly not "I thought him did it."

Most of us know to answer the phone request, "I'd like to speak with Tom," with "This is he." On the other hand, when the police coming looking for Jake, folks usually say, "That's him!" Be consistent. The construction is the same. Say, "That's he!" Oh, yeah, you'll probably shake up the policemen; but, hey, this is a grammar discussion, not a criminology lesson.

Pet Peeve #1

There is a troublesome construction that I happened to notice while I was in high school. Many years later my thoughts on the matter were confirmed and well explained by a local writer in his grammar column. As soon as I hear something to the effect of, "He's one of those men who . . . ," I am prepared for the mistake that mainly for its frequency is my #1 pet peeve. Don't say, "He's one of those men that likes blondes." It should be, "He's one of those men that like blondes." The word "men" tells virtually nothing until it is qualified, that is, explained. In order to qualify a plural, a plural verb must be used: ". . . men that like blondes." Another way to see such a construction clearly is to flip it around: "Of those men that like blondes, he's one." Note the following: "My father is one of the men who are laying bricks." That sentence is essentially the same as, "One of the men who are laying bricks is my father."

Rarely you will run into a situation like this one: "One of those men, who, by the way, is the tallest, is my father." Note how commas separate a parenthetical or unnecessary clause therein. The writer keeps the reader from thinking that all the men are being described by setting off the height information with commas.

Pet Peeve #2

I shall continue to post from time to time, but for now let's look at my #2 pet peeve in grammar. The problem involves a three-letter word--"nor." In my many years I've never learned or seen a reason to use "nor" except for one situation: "Nor" is to be employed with "neither." Period! The end. Case closed. Do not use "nor" with "not," "never," or any negative other than "neither." If you do, you're creating what we used to call one and a half negatives. "Neither . . . nor" we always referred to as correlative conjunctions. Wrong: "I can't read nor write." Correct: "I can't read or write." Also correct: "I can neither read nor write." Wrong: "Never talk during church nor leave the ringer of your cellphone on while you're in the chapel." Substitute "or" for "nor." Does the sentence sound right now? If so, "nor" can't be correct because "nor" and "or" are essentially opposites, ok? Speaking of church, the scriptures use the word "nor" constantly. Let's face it, the scriptures often warn us of what we shouldn't do. There are negatives throughout. "Nor" is strewn out through the chapters, and unfortunately it is repeatedly improperly used. I have seen certain segments that are consistently properly written. Most of the prophets/writers/translators, however, have major trouble with "nor."

Continuing, don't write, "You are not leaving the house while I'm gone, nor do I want you to turn on the television!" Correct: "You are not leaving the house while I'm gone; neither do I want you to turn on the television!" Understand that "neither" means "not either" and may be used alone (without "nor"). Hence, the correct version means, "You are not leaving the house while I'm gone; I do not want you to turn on the television either." That version is exactly what is meant to be conveyed. Again, the incorrect version at the beginning of this paragraph combines "not" and "nor" and thus creates that one and a half negative situation again.

In summary, "nor" does not properly substitute for "neither" but should be used only in conjunction with "neither." If there's no "neither," don't introduce "nor." Further, never substitute "nor" for "or." They're opposites!
'

Badly Hurt

A common error related to double negatives can be seen in the following: "Kevin was badly hurt in the car accident." If something is done badly, it's not done well. Strictly speaking, the quoted sentence indicates that Kevin was hurt but not effectively or well. Try something like ". . . severely hurt . . . ." Likewise substitute, "extremely upsetting" for "terribly upsetting." Not "horribly scarred," but, for example, "intensely scarred."

Their

Which should you say? Everyone brought his notebook;
Everyone brought her notebook;
Everyone brought his or her notebook;
Everyone brought their notebook;
Everyone brought their notebooks.
Folks, this point is controversial and rather highly emotionally charged. Of the choices, I prefer the first. With the push of the ERA, I might be in for some trouble from the ladies. The first would certainly be appropriate at an all-boys school. Likewise, the second would work for an exclusively female institution or group. I don't find the third to be wrong, but it sounds stuffy. I don't care for the fourth entry because the number changes from singular to plural. The fifth stresses the confusion, because it sounds as though each had several notebooks. Again, I like the generic use of "his" in this situation. I suggest, however, a practical solution that can often be employed in the above situation. Say, "All brought their notebooks." That's right--use the consistent plural when possible. I do realize that the last example opens itself to the thought that some students did indeed possess more than one notebook, but generally there should be no harm in that allowance.

It's its Mother

When I was in the third grade, I walked up to my teacher and asked her the distinction between "it's" and "its." She explained that "it's" means "it is" and "its" is the possessive of "it." Little did I know how much trouble such tiny words would cause! Suppose there's a kitten and someone asks you about a nearby cat. You might answer, "It's its mother," meaning the cat is the kitten's mother. It shouldn't be hard to remember which is which. You wouldn't write "hi's" for "his," "her's" for "hers," "our's" for "ours," or "their's" for "theirs," would you? At the car tag office today I viewed a notice that stated, "This office close's at 3:15 p.m." Further, there was something like, "Person's in line at that time will be served." The worst error, though, because of the otherwise historic and beautiful nature of the piece, I found at the bottom of a painting of a 1942 locomotive scene. The caption read something like, "The train covered it's tracks . . ." It broke my heart to see a fine framed work with a mistake like that. Here's hoping you'll always do better!

Percentages

They say that math is simply logic with numbers. Grammar, as I hope I often illustrate, is based on logic. Communication encompasses making one's ideas understood and as clear as possible. A topic that falls somewhat into various of these categories is percentages. In particular, let's suppose the Tigers have won 15 and lost 10, and the Orioles are 16-11. Which is better? No pencil or calculator, please! The Orioles have played two more games and won half of them. That's not good. They had won 15 of the other 25. Logic and math say they've fallen below the Tigers. Now baseball will report that the two teams are in a virtual tie; that is, neither is behind the other because the win-loss differential is +5 in each case. Percentage-wise, though, we know that the Tigers are ahead of the Orioles. I can't tell you how many times I've seen a team like the Orioles here listed ahead of one like the Tigers. Such a mistake happens especially when the percentages are identical to the standard three decimal places. You and I, however, can easily see--without a calculator--which record is better. When both teams have won more than they've lost, the one that's played fewer games will have the better percentage if the win-loss differential is the same. On the other hand, if the win-loss differential is the same but negative, the one that's played more will have the better percentage. Example: Pirates 10-15, Astros 11-16. The Astros have won half their two extra games and that's better than they had been doing; so the Astros have the better percentage.

Impact

On the '80's and '90's television show DESIGNING WOMEN, a character was referred to as the uppity kind that uses "impact" as a verb. Yes, current dictionaries do allow for such, and even I will permit verbal usage in situations like this: "The meteor impacted the uninhabited planet." I see no reason to use "impact" as a verb in common parlance like, "I expect the recent overseas disasters to impact the American economy." We've long possessed a perfectly good word to handle the meaning here. Say, ". . . affect the American economy." You may, of course, opt for, ". . . have an impact on the American economy." Why, though, create a substitute for a simple word like "affect"? My sister suggested that some have problems with the differences between "affect" and "effect." In fact, I recently noticed "effect" incorrectly employed for "affect." For the current topic, just remember that if you are tempted to try "impact," go with "affect."

Convoluted Sports Phrasing

If you were to listen to sportscasts of the fifties, I feel safe to bet that you would never hear the phrases that we'll discuss here. The first is "on the night." Example: "Jackson has thirty points on the night." How can anything be "on a night"? "Tonight," "during the night," and "for the night" sound right and make sense. "Jackson has thirty points in the game" tells the story, too. I think one of the reasons that "on the night" has come into vogue is that with sports reports progressing continuously on worldwide broadcasts through multiple time zones, networks are afraid to announce "tonight" or "last night," since the listener may be confused when the event happened. Note, though, that "during the night," "for the night," and "in the game" shouldn't cause any misunderstanding. "On the night" on a live broadcast is convoluted versus simply "tonight." Likewise, don't say, "on the season." Make it, "for the season," "during the season," or most simply, "this season."

We've had some blogs about extra words like "up" in "serve up." How about "early on"? "The Cougars have shown some power early on." Why do we need "on"? If one feels the need to be more specific, he should say exactly what he means: "The Cougars have shown some power early in this game," or ". . . early this season."

Try

This mistake is the easiest to correct. Don't say, "I'll try and get the cheese for you." "And" is not the word that allows you to say what you mean. "I'll try to get the cheese for you," is what you want to say. What will you try? To get the cheese . . .

None

Let's address the word "none." When I was in school, we were taught to think of "none" as "not one." Clearly a singular verb would have been called for. Example: "None of us is happy." I was never comfortable with that idea. Neither was a grammar expert and columnist in my town. Replace "none" by "not any." Observe: "None of the cake was eaten because none of the guests were hungry." Doesn't that look and sound good? Now grammar does not always work that way, but it surely is nice when it does! In summary, "none" is singular when referring to a singular noun, plural with a plural noun.

Unnecessary Words

Let's address the slight difficulty of extra words. Southerners are said to move and talk relatively slowly. In particular, they, more than some, tend to add unnecessary words. "Serve" becomes "serve up," "cook" similarly shows itself as "cook up," "wipe" is uttered "wipe down," and in blackjack terminology in the casinos, "bust" is yelled "bust out" (often pronounced "bus out," by the way!). Broadcasters seem to be bad about saying, "over in," for "in." Example: "We find some more rain over in Moisture County." At this very moment, a baseball announcer is reporting about games "up in Minnesota." If we know where Minnesota is, "up" isn't needed. If we don't, "up" won't help us much. Not only do some baseball announcers say, "Over in rightfield is John Doe," but they tend to embrace such as, "Early on in the season . . .." It seems as if almost everyone asks, "Where (are) you at?" instead of, "Where are you?" Think, "Less is more"!

Rise Up

This problem is found some in the scriptures. Martin Luther King may be the most famous for this slight mistake. Folks tend to say, "rise up." Can one rise down? How about rise left? I've never noticed a situation that warranted "up" added to "rise."

Improperly Qualified Absolutes

Here is a very unique problem. If you recognize the problem already, I was, as usual, trying to catch your attention. "Unique" means different from any other. If a cobra is different from every other snake, how can it be more so? It is either unique or it isn't. Case closed. Similarly, I recently heard a commercial that boasted that a certain product was the most accurate. Now "accurate" means "correct." That's as good as it gets! Once something is correct, it cannot be improved upon in the exact sense that it is correct. A student enters the right answer but his handwriting is not up to par. Ok, we'll work on his handwriting, but we can't improve upon the actual answer. Continuing, "Our multi-vitamin is more complete," you've probably heard in some form. Again, if it's complete, it can't be more so! Here are some other absolute words to watch out for: round, perfect, invisible, etc. Speaking of "perfect," I shook up my seventh grade English and history teachers when I pointed out this problem in the preamble to the Constitution. You remember, ". . . in order to form a more perfect union . . . ." I hope our founding fathers didn't spend too much time trying to improve upon perfection! The real problem was that the union wasn't perfect. It may have been nearly perfect. It follows that the phrase should have been something to the effect of, ". . . in order to form a more nearly perfect union . . . ."

Value

Here's another redundancy: "Our featured jewelry gives you more value for your money." Uh, as opposed to value for your wife that you were about to trade in for the jewelry to give to your girlfriend? Sorry about that, but value essentially means quality per expenditure. The word "money" is superfluous. Advertisers, promote thus: "Our featured jewelry gives you more value." Also acceptable would be, "Our featured jewelry gives you more for your money."