Rule Number Eight

Friends and neighbors, put "i" before "e" except after "c," unless the word is either foreign or weird--per Keith and Marcie Lieber.

Go Ahead

I work in a casino.  We constantly deal with money, of course.  On larger sums, we need to seek approval from our supervisors.  One of their common responses is, "Go ahead."

Now those two words, "go ahead," I have found to be fascinating in everyday speech.  I first noticed their import when I was telemarketing and I'd hear one of the managers advise a customer on the phone, "Why don't you go ahead and send the payment so we can expedite your shipment."  Doesn't that sound a bit softer or kinder than, "Why don't you send the payment . . . ."  It seems that whenever there is a bit of negativity or burden involved with a process, "go ahead" creates a somewhat positive feeling and softens the blow.  "Go ahead and tell the passengers that we're running into turbulent weather" probably sounds better to the airline staff than "Tell the passengers that we're running into turbulent weather."

Now, test for yourself.  Note how many times in, say, a week you hear "go ahead."  Oops--I mean, go ahead and note . . . .

Nor: More or Less

I've discussed the misuses of the word "nor."  I stress that the only correct use of "nor" is with "neither."  Well, guess what?  I'm not sure even that use is ideal.  Why?  Well, "neither" means "not either."  Let's substitute.  Take the sentence, "He is neither my brother nor my cousin."  Change it to, "He is not either my brother nor my cousin."  Oops--we've created a double (or 1 1/2) negative with both "not" and "nor."  How about, "He is not either my brother or my cousin."  Better.  Then why don't we say, "He is neither my brother or my cousin"?  Long-time custom, I guess.  I'd just as soon get rid of "nor" altogether.  Who's with me?

Another Redundancy

Recently I was observing a NASCAR public service announcement for disaster support. At the end, one driver urged everyone to "unite together." I guess that admonition sounds better than "unite separately."

Grammatical Trans Fat

Now we're "transitioning" from one thing to another. I suppose the idea is to economize from the phrase, "make a transition," to the word, "transition." Well, "transition" should not be used as a verb. What, I'm making life more difficult for you? Not! Indeed, use "transit" instead. "I transited away from using nouns as verbs." Once again I kept it even simpler!

Shorter Cut

Let's get it straight right from the start, I'm not a texter. I have noticed, though, the abbreviation "lol." I keep thinking it means "lots of love." I am repeatedly told that it stands for "laughing out loud." Ok, then I have an abbreviation for the above abbreviation. You see, one shouldn't say "out loud." "Aloud" is preferred. Hence we have "laughing aloud" with an abbreviation of "la." Now isn't that nice?!

Dangerously Bad Grammar

I've touched on some quick tips like these: If you can use "farther," don't use "further"; if you can use "whether," don't use "if"; and if you can use "and," don't use "or." An excellent example of the last of these can be seen on some gas pumps: "Turn off cell phones or other electrical devices to avoid possible explosion." A logical, though not common-sense, response might be, "I think I'll choose to turn off my laptop." Clearly the instruction is to turn off all electrical devices and should read, "Turn off cell phones and other electrical devices."